im loosing something I’ve searched my whole life for and still have never found. it seams impossible to have dreamed for so long and have only fumes as evidence of such hope. not for lack of seeking eyes or anticipating heart. i search around ever corner, in front and behind on all sides. blinks and blank stares, faces plastered to printed black ink, being moved in motions of speed and imbalance. is this pain what makes greatness or is that just what our mothers say to shelf our heart breaks for later days. perhaps these days will never come but here they are and always have been, like labeled mason jars lining the walls of my life. then its days like today im adding to them.