Sometimes I can feel the magnitude of my loneliness within the interactions I have daily. I imagine my moments with such intensity that my dreams evolve into unrealistic expectation. What was it that was said, what action-re-action, what was the moment you knew. Or worse, oblivion. Someone should have told me.
(I hope that wasn’t love)
I am talking myself into understanding what it is you’re talking yourself out of. I feel as if I am in a constant state of kicking down my walls of good judgment, leaping forward into a river I expect to be hot and feeling shocked at the touch of frigid water to my skin. Perhaps it is the act of kicking and jumping that I truly desire and you are just a reason too. But I think of the quite literal heart reaction I feel at the excitement of this routine and I panic at the loss of it. Its a connection of two worlds so similar and then without effort these world dance flawlessly before returning to their usual orbit.
“Hope has eyes for eyes for you”